he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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