dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Girls should come with a carfax report
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
