Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
