We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
