last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
