Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
