He passed out mid-signature
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Success! We fucked roommates!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
