Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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