I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize