He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
