i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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