We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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