I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
