Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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