There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
