I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
