We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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