I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
