I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
