I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
