we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
