You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
