PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
