I wish I only lived at night.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
