these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
