i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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