you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
