There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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