i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I need to calm my uterus...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize