I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
