she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize