I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
