And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize