Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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