google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
