I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
