i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
