I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
