Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
