My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
