Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
