i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize