Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
