Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize