you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
