Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
please come you make the beer taste better
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
