My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
