Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
