He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
