Cold hands, warm shart.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
