Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
