Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
