I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
