I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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