True but thats because hes a fetus.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
