people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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