It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
