He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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