i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
