dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
