So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
