He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
