Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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