Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
