apparently the secret to your success is patron
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
well you can't waste a boner
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
