I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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