Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
